How to Tell Someone They Gave You an STD

How to Tell Someone They Gave You an STD

There are few feelings worse than coming back with an unexpected positive result from an STD test. Indeed, it’s natural to feel upset, confused, angry, or even frightened in the aftermath of a positive test. (Still, it’s better to uncover a positive test result early, than to allow a potentially dangerous STD to fester.) What’s more, you may feel especially frustrated with your partner; after all, STDs don’t transmit themselves. However, before you do anything rash, make sure to consider your situation first. You wouldn’t want to say something in the heat of the moment you regret later. Though it may be difficult to endure, here’s the best way to tell someone they gave you an STD:

STD Facts

In the wake of a positive STD test, you may feel the temptation to start leveling wild accusations at your partner. Don’t. Do. This. We can’t stress this enough; getting angry and accusing your partner of giving you an STD is a bad idea for multiple reasons. First, your current partner might not have given you the STD in question. STDs often remain asymptomatic for weeks or even months at a time. So unless you’ve only been with one partner exclusively, there’s no way of knowing how long you’ve had an STD, and thus, it’s impossible to know how you contracted it. Furthermore, because STDs can stay “dormant” for a significant period of time, there’s every chance your partner doesn’t even know they have an STD. (Note also that certain STDs manifest themselves differently based on gender.)

Risks of Staying Silent

If you feel embarrassed about testing positive for an STD, know that you’re not alone. STDs are extremely common, and most sexually active people will pick up at least one STI during their lifetime. Having said that, you still need to speak with your partner if you’ve tested positive. (This is doubly true if you suspect they gave you an STD.) That’s because if they don’t know they have an STD, they could be massively at risk for other health problems as a result. Many STDs are treatable, and a good number can be cured completely –– but you have to take the first step to seek out that treatment first. Though you may be tempted to sweep your positive STD test under the rug, know that to do so is to disregard your partner’s safety.

Striking the Right Tone

Whatever you do, make sure to first give yourself some time to calm down before you speak with your partner about STDs. It’s rarely easy to talk about STDs, but the most important thing to remember when you find yourself in this situation is to be open, honest, and compassionate. In all likelihood, your partner won’t even know they have an STD. So be tactful and offer support. Being vindictive, aggressive, or accusatory won’t do you –– or your partner –– any good.