How to Tell Your Partner You Have Herpes

How to Tell Your Partner You Have Herpes

Sometimes life is just plain rough. And finding out that you have an STD –– especially a viral one –– is enough to shatter anyone’s psyche. Sadly, some people allow a positive STD test to dictate how they’re going to live their life, and the psychological effects of living with an STD like herpes are nothing to take lightly. However, managing herpes is possible, and a positive attitude can make a big difference. If you’ve recently tested positive for herpes, then this blog is for you. We’ll review pertinent STD facts and figures, and guide you through some potentially fraught conversations. Here’s how to tell your partner you have herpes:

Herpes 101

First, the bad news: because herpes is a viral disease, there is no cure for it. Despite this, there are many ways to handle this disease (medically), and under certain circumstances, managing herpes can be quite straightforward. Still, there’s no way to eradicate herpes entirely.

Unlike other STDs, herpes comes in multiple strains, HSV-1 (oral herpes) and HSV-2 (genital herpes). That’s important to note because even if you don’t have the  HSV-2 strain, you can still transmit it during oral sex. (And vice-versa.) Furthermore, you can contract herpes during oral, anal, and vaginal sex.

Is Herpes Dangerous?

Yes and no. The truth is, herpes on its own won’t do a lot of damage to your system. The “regular” symptoms of herpes include: painful blisters on or around the genitals, pain during urination, itching, fever, headache, and fatigue. While that’s obviously not pleasant to deal with, the symptoms associated with herpes aren’t life-threatening. In addition, as someone continues to live with herpes they tend to have fewer, less severe outbreaks. It’s worth noting though, that recent reports have also suggested that herpes may cause infertility –– particularly in males.

Herpes is most dangerous, however, because of its correlation to HIV transmission. Individuals with herpes are more likely to contract and spread HIV during intercourse. And if a bodily fluid infected with HIV were to come into contact with a herpes sore, the chances of transmission are high. Naturally, most people appreciate the dangers of HIV, but if you need more information on that disease, click here.

Talking About STDs

Few people feel comfortable talking about STDs. And the stigma around STDs in our society is real. This is unfortunate because many people live with STDs and don’t even know about it. Getting past these negative connotations is vital though, and if you’ve recently received a positive test for herpes you need to sit down with all of your recent partners. (Since herpes is largely asymptomatic, it can be very difficult to identify exactly who gave you the disease.) Remember to be open and honest, but also understanding. The last thing you want to do is adopt an accusatory tone or fight with your partner. Chances are, if they did transmit herpes to you, they did so without knowing they even had the disease themselves. Indeed, herpes in particular is a difficult STD for scientists to track simply because so many people don’t realize they have it. Regardless, you need to let your partner know about your positive test. Not doing so isn’t just dishonest –– it’s irresponsible. It may be a tough conversation to have, but it’s one that needs to happen.